28 May 2012

the conversation starter: 栀子



My teacher came to class carrying two bouquets, one for herself and another meant for me. Each was a small roughshod bouquet of white gardenias. They were jacketed in their own leaves and wrapped with grey plastic twine at the stems. The blossoms smelled of vanilla and rain and nighttime, and for an afternoon our classroom breathed that heady air.

When I left school I held the bouquet close so I could smell it as I walked. Only two of the blossoms were open: one wide and falling, the other fresh and strong. That night two more flowers unraveled from their buds, their petals at first twisted and spiraled, then later full and flat.

But before the flowers took up residence in their vase, Chengdu noticed me carrying them. I walked into a bakery for a loaf of anise bread and the women working there quickly noted their fragrance. Security guards nodded to the bouquet as I walked past. And the pair of parking lot attendants I see on my daily walk to and from school went out of their way to say something new.

In the a.m. they usually say, 上班了, “You’re going to work.” In the p.m. they say, 下班了, “You’re going home.” It’s the standard greeting and there’s not much more you can say in those brief moments. But on this day they switched it up and said something different. 

They said, “You have flowers.”

Yes, I responded, I have flowers. Then we all smiled and I kept walking.

And in the way that Chinese people believe greeting someone by stating the obvious is meant to make you feel closer, it seems for once it actually did. 

20 May 2012

is that something you eat?


My teacher and I spent Thursday morning exploring a park that celebrates one of China’s greatest poets. Chengdu is very proud that a peaceful patch of bamboo and flowers once played host to Du Fu’s grass-thatched hut. His was a five-year stay – less than a blip in the face of 5,000 years of history – but facts and figures haven’t dimmed Chengdu’s passion for embracing this Tang dynasty superstar as their own.


The brevity of his residence is dismissed by a stone marker posted near the ruins. The inscription, which you read from right to left – because if I’ve learned anything over the past two years it’s that Chinese delights in making itself difficult – proposes that when mentioning Du Fu, one can overlook the place of his birth and the place of his death, but one cannot forget his thatched cottage in Chengdu. Not that they're biased or anything.

The park is a popular tourist site but it’s also a place where regular people go about their days. Groups of older men come together to “walk their birds.” Each lugs his own birdcages to the park, peels back the red fabric covers shielding the delicate inhabitants and hangs them in the trees for a spell while chatting with his buddies.

I crossed the lawn for a closer look into one of the cages and the bird inside was the same kind as those flying around the park. I couldn't tell if the outing was an invigorating out-of-doors experience for the creature or a crushing reminder of what life was like before being relocated to its current quarters.

Newspaper readers and knitters placed thermoses of tea off to the side and went about their efforts, while letter writers and musicians practiced their arts in the shade of tall and sleepy bamboo. Kids under the care of their grandparents fed crackers to fish so fleshy and active that they seemed on the cusp of making the evolutionary leap into the lives of legged beasts. 


In a newer park located just outside of Dufu’s we found small bands of men and women playing instruments and singing, while more organized choruses carrying sheet music cowed to the demands of musical directors who urged, 来一次!One more time! 

There was also a bride doing her best to ignore the sticky threat of an ice cream wielding tag-along as she posed for wedding photos. Her steely calm is most likely grounded in the fact that this is not a dress she has purchased herself, but rather a rental provided as part of the photography package.


Dufu’s park is a nice place to be. The paths are cool and shady, and the doors are different shapes. There are lanterns in the eaves and ponds in the distance. A giant bell hangs at the top of a tower and from that height you can see the rest of the city in the grey scrubby distance.


But a morning like this begs the question, how do you keep a good day going?

With a leisurely lunch, of course.

My teacher invited me to try a favorite dish of hers at a favorite place. So we drove to the restaurant and joined two lone diners and a team of bored staff milling around the empty dining room. My teacher explained that most people come there for dinner and she also mentioned that the women next to us were from Shanghai. She could tell by the dialect they spoke. 

Then she asked if there was anything I wouldn’t eat. I said I would eat whatever she ordered except for offal. She said ok and ordered two dishes. They were not offal. They were pig ears and mudfish.

Pig ears and mudfish.

Were I not sitting down to a meal in China I would not have associated these two items with anything I'd purposefully put in my mouth and chew. But if you’re willing to go with the flow and not look back then this path is inevitable.

The "path" is a stream of moments that strike as strange to western eyes. And as they crash into your space you have a thousand opportunities to ask yourself why you think the way you do and why you see the world a certain way.

If you decide to grab hold of your notions and flee the scene no one will be surprised. You’re not from here and the people who are from here will be the first ones to suggest this as your excuse. 

But if you don’t accept that notion, and if you don’t want them to either, than you can belly up and dig in. So we washed our chopsticks in our tea – cleaning them with tea is better than not cleaning them at all – and dug in.


The ears came to the table first. They were room temperature slices that demanded very active chewing due to the disconcertingly crunchy layer of cartilage sandwiched in the middle. This is a perfect example of how the Chinese palette appreciates a food’s texture as much as its taste. No one minds having to work for the pleasure of a good dish and the work itself is part of that pleasure. 

Once you discover that after all of the chewing there's a real taste to what you're eating, and that it’s a salty smoky taste, you’re willing to keep up with the work of it. I'd also suggest you take advantage of the pile of chili pepper sitting next to the ears on the plate.

"Sitting next to the ears on the plate..." That's certainly the first time I've used those words in describing a meal. 

But as long as we're getting into descriptions, I'll say that pig ears taste about as close to bacon as something that's not bacon can get. And really, couldn't we just consider them as bacon from a different neighborhood of the pig?

The second dish was a fragrant vat of spices and oil that held a mess of small ugly fish. Their heads, which had been disengaged from their bodies, were lurking alongside the garlic and celery vines. The lack of heads is supposed to make the fish easier to eat although I doubt anyone mistakes this dish as something easy to consume.

Each slip of a fish holds a string of petite bones at its core. Eating the flesh without snagging a mouthful of tiny daggers is an art. Thankfully I received instruction from my teacher and learned that one is to start at the tail and gently use their lips to urge the flesh from the bones.

In this way you play to the direction of the spine and hopefully avoid taking in any more bones than is absolutely necessary. It’s careful work and the flesh is maddeningly fragile. But when you can steal away with a chunk of the complexly spiced fish it is absolutely worth it.

The eating was deliberate and slow-going and where on my teacher’s plate there was a calm stack of perfectly clean, silvery spines, mine held the site of a ham-fisted massacre. There was no doubt as to who was the beginner here. My "clean" bones lugged nearly as much meat as the amount I’d managed to extract and eat.

A large chunk of the refuse was due to a change I’d made mid-meal. It turns out that fish heads are easier to plunder than their bodies, so I started hunting for them instead. And if I hadn't already realized that this was something I’d never done before, my teacher took care to mention that she’d always thought westerners didn’t eat fish heads.

Later in the day Shi-wen found it necessary to first point out that dogs are the biggest fans of pig ears in the U.S., and second, that any fish drudging around in a Chinese river can’t possibly be all that good for you to eat. That’s fine, I said, but I’m still happy I put these things in my mouth. I’m also pretty pleased with myself for holding a set of chopsticks (and a tiny fish spine) with my right hand while taking a photo with my left.

And by the way, Shi-wen ate this stuff too.

My teacher is very considerate and before we’d even dug into our meal she’d had the waitresses separate out hearty portions for me to take home for Shi-wen to try. They were ladled into clear plastic bags, the standard way leftovers are packaged here.

That night I warmed the fish in the microwave and set the ears on a plate. Shi-wen and I sat down at the table and I tried to teach him how to avoid the mudfish bones. I recommended dipping the pig ears in the spice. 

He would flinch and I would try to convince.

Clearly something had shifted. 

Now I was the one selling pig ears and mudfish as perfectly normal to eat.

13 May 2012

get thee to bangkok



Move anywhere new and I promise there will be hate, at least at the start. The feeling eventually passes but in the beginning it’s a gut reaction that’s hard to avoid. We have lived in four countries over the past six years and I have hated: the paper-thin walls of apartments in Washington, DC, the emptiness of Milan in August, and the soju-kimchi haze of late night subway rides in Seoul. I am currently busy hating the sidewalks in Chengdu  or more specifically, the use of Chengdu's sidewalks as toilets.

But we don’t live in Bangkok so I didn’t have to hate anything there. We wanted to lounge around in a place that wasn’t China and this city fit the bill. People sometimes use the word “international” to describe a city, meaning that it has everything you're looking for from the modern world, but I’m starting to think that what we really mean is that it has all of the things a westerner expects. International or not, this westerner couldn’t have been happier.


The meals we had were a confluence of freshness, complexity, and bright flavors, and the hotel breakfast was so sprawling and overwhelming that we were tempted to stay there to eat away the day rather than go outside. But the best part is that you can eat the food without worrying that someone used shoe leather to thicken your yogurt or dredged cooking oil from the sewers and added it to your noodles. And yes, those things actually happen in China.

Our hotel had a chocolate boutique that sold painted chocolates with decadent fillings, boxes of rainbow-colored macaroons, and cake by the slice. Outside there was a palm tree ringed pool with British retirees drinking watermelon juice, Italian families nibbling on French fries, and this American couple reading magazines (Shi-wen) and studying Chinese (me) in the shade.


Being free to enjoy what we were eating was a welcome detour from the underlying anxiety that accompanies every meal in China. So we ate and ate and ate. We downed volcanic oysters and prawn curries and durian sticky rice. Jack fruit and pomelo salad and wildflowers dredged through green curry. Bangkok made it easy.

And even with all the eating Shi-wen was still able to fit into the tux he’d been fitted for on our first day there. This was due in large part to the hotel’s gym, which overlooked the pool and had working machines. I was stunned – probably because the last hotel gym I'd visited was a small room nudged behind the swimming pool, where a 1980’s era treadmill, a few hand weights, and a stationary bike that was listing to one side were all collecting dust in the dark. What can I say... live somewhere long enough and you adjust your expectations.

In other news, we went shopping in Bangkok and they had shoes in my size.

Coming back to Chengdu was a little like falling out of bed and hitting the floor with your face. Getting off the plane was the cue to start the fight. The fight to get your bag, the fight to get a cab, the fight to find the food you think is safe enough to eat. But once you live here long enough you forget about the extra energy you have to expend and it’s just the way that life is lived. This is good and necessary, but step away from it for any length of time and coming back is a thud.







I stay flexible. I weave around the spitting and the squatting and the children with no pants. I never upbraid the drivers who come alarmingly close to running me down on the sidewalks. I follow the food scandals and adjust accordingly.

In this way I live the life that China gives me. I am thrilled to have an opportunity to know this place and to live its life, and I genuinely like it here. But I still love a grocery store selling food you don't hear about on the nightly news and I never thought I’d be so giddy about kids wearing full coverage pants.

They have these things in Bangkok. They also have the feeling that you may not be so alone after all – that there might be other people out there who have the same expectations as you do about what city life might entail.

It’s just that they live three hours away. In Bangkok.