f is for fumare

We can go ahead and cross "Go to Soccer Game" off of our Italy To-Do list. While we're at it we can also eliminate "Smoke a Pack of Cigarettes in Two Hours" and "Learn Italian Swear Words."

Soccer is a beautiful flow of athleticism and momentum and I envy the athletes' superhuman coordination; watching a ball get kicked around has never been so entrancing. And we were lucky enough to see a game in which the final score was 4-1 (forza Inter!) which meant five goals were scored. That brings a lot of excitement to the relatively short 90-minute competition.

Unfortunately, in those 90 minutes, I think we smoked at least a pack of cigarettes each. Because while smoking "inside" is prohibited in Italy, the stadium seems to be considered "outside" and every chain smoker in Milan was there. Honestly, the guys beside and behind us (and for the most part the stadium is filled with guys) were smoking the entire time. It reminded us of an over-crowded Chicago bar right before the concert starts.

Except that back in Chicago we wouldn't have had the opportunity to also indulge in an Italian profanities crash course. While starting out with the usual "Mamma mia!" and "Ma dai!" to show their irritation, the fans soon digressed into a colorful display of vulgarity that wasn't wasted on us. We know enough of the language to notice when conversation heard in polite company is completely thrown out the window. La Scala this was not.

Overall, though, it was a worthwhile experience. We even enjoyed the high-tech entry system designed to thwart soccer hooligans from ruining the game. What with the single-person mechanized entry gates and the metal detecting, we could have been visiting the Royal Jewels. But no, the only similarity to London was the dense fog filling the stadium, which had nothing to do with nature.

Maybe there's a reason why every female's soccer ticket is discounted by 10 euro. (They know your gender because your ticket has your name on it, and you must present I.D. to enter.) Although the women I saw at the game seemed to fit right in with the general mood of the place. Cheering, smoking and swearing. With the most time spent on - you guessed it - the smoking.

F is for fumare.